Inspiring Life Lessons from Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt's "The Rainbow Comes and Goes"

I recently read the # 1 New York Times bestseller book entitled “The Rainbow Comes and Goes”. The book is a memoir that features a touching and honest dialogue between Anderson Cooper and his mom, Gloria Vanderbilt.

The Rainbow Comes and Goes
book cover

source: amazon.com

Anderson Cooper is a well-known journalist, CNN correspondent and the anchor of the Anderson Cooper 360 degrees on CNN. He has won numerous journalism awards and nine Emmys.

Gloria Vanderbilt is an American artist, writer and designer. She lives in New York, has written eight books and has been a regular contributor to the New York Times, Vanity Fair, and Elle.

The book takes an unconventional and deeply personal approach on Gloria Vanderbilt’s way of sharing life lessons to her son, Anderson. Both share their private thoughts and the hard-earned truths they have learned from life. The contrast as well as similarities between Anderson and Gloria’s personalities and the exchange of conversations on their views on life, love and loss makes the book an interesting read.

The inspiration behind the book is that Anderson did not want anything left unsaid between him and his mom, Gloria Vanderbilt. With this, he decided to have a new kind of conversation with her when she turned 91 years old.  The dialogues they had is more about her life and not the mundane details but the things that really matter. He even recalls the first email that his mom sent her on the morning of her birthday and how it changed their relationship as it broke down the walls of silence that existed between them.

Gloria Vanderbilt’s story is truly inspiring.

Although she was born to a wealthy family, she did not really have a fairytale kind of life.

Her dad was an alcoholic and he died when she was only 15 months old.

Her mother did not really take care of her since her mom just spent most of her time socializing and partying in Paris. She saw her nanny, Dodo, and her maternal grandmother as her mom and dad.

Her grandmother plotted against her mother and influenced her to write letters that would prove that she did not want to stay with her mom and gave her wealthy Aunt Ger full custody of her and ensured a life of comfort for her grandmother.

She married at a young age of 17 to a man who was a gambler and had abused her verbally and physically.

When she was 21, she divorced her first husband, fell in love again and married composer Leopold Stokowski, who was 42 years her senior. She learned later on that her husband fabricated stories about his childhood.

She also had relationships with director Sidney Lumet and Frank Sinatra.

She had two sons from her previous marriage before she met Wyatt Cooper in her 30s. She had two sons with Wyatt and these are Carter and Anderson. Unfortunately, her 23-year old son Carter, suffered from depression and committed suicide in front of her when he jumped off from the 14^th floor of their building.

When she went into business in her 40s some of the people she trusted swindled her.

Amidst all the challenges she went through in life, she remained hopeful, positive and did not lose her appetite for life. She is still thankful for so many things including her restless spirit.

Some of the important life lessons I learned from reading the book are as follows:

(1)  It’s never too late to change the relationship you have with someone important in your life. – Anderson Cooper

As Anderson mentioned in the book, “All it takes is a willingness to be honest and to shed your old skin, to let go of the longstanding assumptions and slights you still cling to.”

The honest conversations between Anderson and his mom made him understand his mom more since he learned about her past and the challenges that she had been through. It also made them closer to each other.

(2)  Health is your most treasured gift. As long as you have it, you are independent, master of yourself – Gloria Vanderbilt

Gloria realized how health is important since she experienced getting influenza and asthma before her 91^st birthday and was brought to the same New York Hospital where her husband, Wyatt Cooper , was taken by ambulance 37 years ago , the same hospital where he died.

(3)  Have the drive to create and achieve something  on your own

Anderson admires his mom for always having a tremendous drive to create and achieve, unlike many people who inherit money. He is also thankful that his parents told him that he would not be inheriting any money and would be on his own financially after college. He did not feel privileged and certainly had the drive to achieve something on his own.

Gloria told Anderson that his father wanted him to understand money’s value and the importance of hard work.

(4)  Encourage young people to form their own opinions and listen to them

Anderson is grateful that both his parents listened to him and his brother’s ideas and opinions and that they were treated as people who deserved respect even when they were children. He values the fact that his parents encouraged them to form their own opinions and did not dictate or tell them what to do or think since it had a tremendous impact on the person that he has become today. It gave him confidence and a deeply held belief that he was valued and worthy.

(5)  You can break the cycle that was set in motion long before you were born

Gloria Vanderbilt had a challenging and dysfunctional childhood but her experience made her strong and she was able to become a good and loving mother to her children.

(6)  Believe in Love,  be hopeful and grateful

Despite all the challenges and circumstances that had happened to Gloria since her childhood, she still continues to believe in love.  She may have experienced bad relationships in the past but it never hardened her heart as she continues to remain open to possibilities and never lost hope on finding true love. For her, “Love is All”. She also remains thankful for all the learnings she had and the wisdom she gained from overcoming the challenges in the past.

In the book there is a part where Gloria wrote a letter to her younger self (when she was 17 years old) and below is the excerpt that I like:

            Do not get married until you are absolutely crazy certain this is someone you can imagine being with for the long haul. Spend a lot of time with him. Travel with him. Traveling together is the best way to get to know a person.

            Also, fall in love with someone your age or close to it, someone with the same values and with whom you can communicate on every level. Don’t edit your thoughts, feelings, and values to please someone else, express them as they truly are. This is really important, alas, one of my great failings.

            Great sex is, of course, a top priority. Over the long haul it comes and goes, goes and comes, but hang in there. Make every effort to remain faithful, it will make you happier than you already are.

            Oh, and marry someone who makes you laugh. This is perhaps the most important of all.

(7)  “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle” - Maclaren

Gloria mentioned that one of the sayings she came across was by Scottish writer Ian Maclaren on being kind.

She believes in being kind to others since there are times when other people are also going through challenges in life but we may not know it since we may believe these people are confident or have not known sadness or fear.

(8)  Be open to learning and trying something new

Gloria Vanderbilt continues to stay active at 92 years old. She continues to paint and express her passion for beauty. She believes that lovely things can happen to a person when you least expect them.

Gloria Vanderbilt

This photo was taken by famous photographer Richard
Avedon in 1953.  It is included in one of his books.

She became a fashion designer when she was 54 years old and became famous for the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that she launched. She has successfully reinvented herself despite her past by becoming an independent woman who has become a successful designer, artist and writer.

The book is certainly a good read. The perspectives shared by Gloria and Anderson on “The Rainbow Comes and Goes” shows the sincerity that gave them a closer bond.

“The rainbow comes and goes” was from Wordsworth.

Anderson admires his mother’s optimism. Below is a heartfelt message that he told his mom:

            The rainbow does come and go for all of us, but what is remarkable about you is that you still believe it is out there even when you can’t see it, and you keep moving forward, searching for it, even on the darkest of days. That is what you have always done. You believe the rainbow will always return and that, around the corner, a new adventure waits: a man with a boat who might whisk you off to the South of France; a creative project that might become a big business.

“The rainbow comes and goes” means accepting that things can’t always be good but still believing that the good days will come.  An excerpt from the book that resonated with me is when Gloria said to Anderson:

            I find it reassuring knowing the rainbow comes and goes. It helps me accept the way things often are.

            In every life, you have moments of blinding beauty and happiness, and then you land in a dark cave and there is no color, no sky. Then the rainbow returns, sometimes only briefly, but it always does come back. You have to believe that it will, even in the darkest of times. That belief is what is really important.

I would say that the heartfelt dialogues and unfiltered discussion between Gloria and Anderson captured in the book are really touching and inspiring.

 “The Rainbow Comes and Goes” is one of the most inspiring and well-written books that I have read. It reminds us to keep moving forward and have faith especially during challenging times in our lives and remain hopeful that the rainbow will return and lovely things will happen when we least expect them.